Yikes! What a title for a post. But it's true -- here I sit, in the hospital, with them trying to pump up my little lung back to full strength. (Remember those pump tennis shoes? Perhaps they'll try that technique!) I am currently on percocet (I just learned how to spell that!), so if I start to ramble and not make sense, it's the drugs talking!

How did this all happen, you wonder? No one knows. Apparently lungs can collapse without any rhyme or reason. Lucky for me! They call it "spontaneous pneumothorax." In other words, "your breathing apparatus decided to just poop out on you for no good reason." That's my translation, anyway.

Good news: they caught it in time to do something about it; it was 30% collapsed so MOST of my left lung was still functioning!
Bad news: I now have a chest tube stuck in my side to alleviate the air pocket that caused the collapse, and I have to be in the hospital for 5 days.

So here's the recap:
I woke up at 4 a.m. with a pain shooting from my back to my chest in the rib cage area. When I moved certain ways, pain would shoot. It felt kind of like an intense version of a sore muscle when you have slept on your side wrong. So I thought I just had a really bad sleeping position. Then at 7 am my alarm went off for work. I got out of bed and felt the same shooting pains. I thought a hot shower might help relax muscles. No such luck.

I wasn't going to go to work. But I took some Advil, and it settled the pain to a mere dull consistency. I figured I'd go into work to pick up some files I needed and not stay long. (Never say I'm not dedicated, hard-working, and stubborn!) So I did. But then the pain increased so I left after lunch and stopped by my doctor.

She thought it was either a really bad muscle thing or possibly a blood clot. Whoah! So she sent me right away to have a CT scan. The people at the Pro-Scan Imaging place were so amazing. The man and woman who did the test were so encouraging and caring. God-sent!

So they inject me with this iodine and send me through a donut-type shaped thing that scans the needed area. The iodine shot warmth through my body. Weird sensation. They read the results, saw the "moderate" sized collapse and sent me to Christ Hospital emergency room.

Meanwhile, Steve got a hold of Sheryl who left work to watch Kaelyn for us while he met me at the ER. The pulmonary doc came in and told me all about my lung and how air had somehow gotten between the lung and the lining, pressing down on the lung itself. So he'd have to knock me out, insert a tube in my chest, and leave it there for 5 days while everything clears up.

He said some people have this happen more than once in life. Not anything I look forward to. But since it was spontaneous, there's nothing I can do to prevent it. He said just don't go scuba diving or fly any planes. OK. Check. But he is also restricting my lifting for a month, so this will be interesting with a toddler and her needing to be lifted out of a crib and carried places. Go, Steve, go! :)

I'd appreciate your prayers and any notes you want to email me! Steve too. I think he and Kaelyn might miss me! At least we live close by, so they can run over to visit easily. I'd better get some shut-eye now.

At times, if I allow myself the time for cognitive reflection, I can tap into the intelligent side of my brain and bring forth profound thought and multifaceted vocabulary to express my visceral personality. The writing produced by such thought emerges from an unknown location and presents itself on the page. In reading through past meanderings as these, I find myself surprised that I was the author and hardly recall the entire construction process.

And, at other times, my brain is simply muddle. A puddle.

And then there are times when I feel I can’t focus on a thing! Barely comprehending one thought, my attention is yanked away to some distraction. And I get mad at myself for not being able to remember why I walked from one room to another.

Such is life, I guess. And while I desire depth in both my daily thought processes and my weekly postings here on the blog, sometimes life isn’t like that. Or depth comes in simple language and simple events, which is just fine. The only negative is that it can be hard on the pride and ego -- if I’m a writer and editor, I tell myself that I should be more eloquent more often. I have the potential, at least!

My desire for my life is to encourage others with my words. However that comes, in large words and large thoughts or in simple musings, I hope that you might find something I say ends up causing you to smile, to think, to praise God. After all, the ability to write comes from God, intended to give the glory back to Him!

So Kaelyn has been very emotional this week. I chalked it up to being tired on Monday after a full weekend. Every little thing that didn't go her way caused her to bawl and sob. No exaggeration! But then it happened again on Tuesday. Wednesday was better, but Thursday I was about ready to call someone up and ask if they'd like Kaelyn for the day while I ran away! :) I have no idea why she had these sudden outbursts. Not ready for such a new stage!

[Sidebar: Steve's answer to the above would be "she gets it from her mother." I am anticipating him making such a comment and taking away his power by saying it first. Yes, I am a passionate human being. That translates into getting really excited about life. But it also means when something goes awry, my tears or anger can be just as passionate! I did already say a thank you to both Steve and my parents this week: after my time with Kaelyn, I realize how much love my parents showed to put up with me growing up and Steve shows being married to me!]

Anyway, there have been some cute moments this week, and that's what this blog was intended to be about. But I first needed to have it on record that I had a crazy week as a mom! :)

Kaelyn is really into reading about Jesus in her children's board book Bibles. It is adorable when she asks for "hee hee." That means Jesus. I don't know if she's pronouncing the J like in Spanish, where Jesus is "hey-soos," or what! (Then again, she also calls raisins "hee hee" which is REALLY random, so I think she just gets out what she gets out with no apparent meaning.)

Kaelyn brings us one of her Bibles and asks to read about "hee hee" at least four times a day. She also requests her Bible and Jesus again right before she goes to sleep. I usually rock her and sing "Jesus Loves Me," but this week she wanted to read the Bible again before sleeping. In fact, three times this week she's actually clung to her Bible and taken it to bed with her. (Whatever works to steer clear of the aforementioned tears!)

In one of her Bibles, Kaelyn can describe "feet" (Jesus washing the disciples' feet), "eat" (the last supper), "night night" (when the disciples fell asleep in the garden while Jesus prayed, and and the "fire" which is "hot" that the discples were sleeping beside), "cross" and "rock—big" (for the stone that was in front of the tomb). But the best is when she holds up her hands and we ask "Where did Jesus go?" when we see the empty tomb. We flip the page and say, "There He is!" as He appears to the disciples. It's really cute to watch her! Then we wave and say "see you later" as He goes up to Heaven. (You know, this Bible is a really good book!)

This week was also cute when Steve taught her to say "pray" and fold her hands as Jesus was doing in another of her books. And she'll repeat Steve saying "Amen." So maybe now we can start getting her to participate in prayer times instead of trying to get us to wake up when we close our eyes to pray before dinner! :)

More faces of Kaelyn (taken by my dad a couple weeks ago).