When my prayers changed
Prayer: what does it do? what does it change? does it matter if we pray or what we pray if God is going to do what He's going to do anyway? why do some prayers get answered but others don't?
Though I have grown up following God, loving Him, and having faith in Him, these questions always creep up in the back of my mind. And I always keep praying, trusting that something is happening, even if I don't always know what. Yet this week I prayed in a new way.
I do know that prayer is about deepening our relationship with our Creator and Father, not just about a laundry list of wishes we want fulfilled. So even when I pray for things, I obviously say to God that I will accept that He knows best, even if it's against my wishes. That's even how Jesus prayed the night before He was crucified. So that's what I do.
But I've often felt that I pray weakly. Yes, I have faith that God can do anything. But I know He sometimes chooses not to, for reasons I don't know. So sometimes I give a mumbling "your will be done" without much hope. I feel like I'm trying to obey that way. Yet then when I look at some dear friends who pray with fervor, stating how powerful God is, fully asking Him to do the miraculous. Maybe I've felt that I don't have the right to ask such of Him? I don't know.
Tuesday night changed that. One of the most fervent pray-ers I know—the most confident in God's might and miraculous nature, who freely asks God and just KNOWS He will answer—was told by doctors that she might not live through the night. And I just couldn't accept that.
So God and I had a conversation. At first I put Him off. I got home from the hospital and busied myself, distracting my mind from the sadness I felt. But then I went to my room and had it out with God. I felt like Moses, who "reminded" God of all His attributes, told God that if He was to move and take action that it would show everyone all of His glory and power.
I'd always wondered about that whole relationship. God knew all of this; why did Moses say such? But I remember Steve preaching about this text—that it was a process God wanted Moses to experience. God remained the same, but He wanted to get to this point in their relationship, wanted Moses to see from a new perspective.
The thing is, the whole time I prayed these similar things, God knew what was on my mind. And I always trust that He knows what I really want and feel. But this time I verbalized it. I laid it all out in no uncertain terms. I had faith in His power and I begged Him to use it. "We all need Kathy. All of us need her. It's not time yet." I still was sad, not sure what God would choose to do. I could think of times when people still died though many prayed. Then He reminded me of all the other times when people lived—my grandmother lived through two major surgeries last year, though we thought death was imminent; my brother lived though he was born three months early; Kaelyn lived when she came early too; and on and on. So I trusted in His power once again.
And in the morning, hope rose anew. Kathy still lived and began to get stronger. Each day this week, she is doing something more, improving and improving. Doctors are astounded.
But, like Kathy knew all along, we understand who is in control.
Though I have grown up following God, loving Him, and having faith in Him, these questions always creep up in the back of my mind. And I always keep praying, trusting that something is happening, even if I don't always know what. Yet this week I prayed in a new way.
I do know that prayer is about deepening our relationship with our Creator and Father, not just about a laundry list of wishes we want fulfilled. So even when I pray for things, I obviously say to God that I will accept that He knows best, even if it's against my wishes. That's even how Jesus prayed the night before He was crucified. So that's what I do.
But I've often felt that I pray weakly. Yes, I have faith that God can do anything. But I know He sometimes chooses not to, for reasons I don't know. So sometimes I give a mumbling "your will be done" without much hope. I feel like I'm trying to obey that way. Yet then when I look at some dear friends who pray with fervor, stating how powerful God is, fully asking Him to do the miraculous. Maybe I've felt that I don't have the right to ask such of Him? I don't know.
Tuesday night changed that. One of the most fervent pray-ers I know—the most confident in God's might and miraculous nature, who freely asks God and just KNOWS He will answer—was told by doctors that she might not live through the night. And I just couldn't accept that.
So God and I had a conversation. At first I put Him off. I got home from the hospital and busied myself, distracting my mind from the sadness I felt. But then I went to my room and had it out with God. I felt like Moses, who "reminded" God of all His attributes, told God that if He was to move and take action that it would show everyone all of His glory and power.
I'd always wondered about that whole relationship. God knew all of this; why did Moses say such? But I remember Steve preaching about this text—that it was a process God wanted Moses to experience. God remained the same, but He wanted to get to this point in their relationship, wanted Moses to see from a new perspective.
The thing is, the whole time I prayed these similar things, God knew what was on my mind. And I always trust that He knows what I really want and feel. But this time I verbalized it. I laid it all out in no uncertain terms. I had faith in His power and I begged Him to use it. "We all need Kathy. All of us need her. It's not time yet." I still was sad, not sure what God would choose to do. I could think of times when people still died though many prayed. Then He reminded me of all the other times when people lived—my grandmother lived through two major surgeries last year, though we thought death was imminent; my brother lived though he was born three months early; Kaelyn lived when she came early too; and on and on. So I trusted in His power once again.
And in the morning, hope rose anew. Kathy still lived and began to get stronger. Each day this week, she is doing something more, improving and improving. Doctors are astounded.
But, like Kathy knew all along, we understand who is in control.