I know it's coming. Most of the time it's out of mind, but then, seemingly from nowhere, a sudden chill goes down my spine. I turn my head and a shadow skirts out of view. Though I can't see it, I know it's there, lurking. Sometimes in the still dark of night, I feel it creep up behind me, breath on the back of my neck. But there's nothing I can do to stop its approach.

The big 4-0. 

OK, so I have a flair for the dramatic. I promise I'm not too worried about this new round number that will arrive a few weeks from now. In fact, since 4 is my favorite number, I already feel a fondness for this coming decade. 

I'm generally not one to think much about age. Sure, there have been a few key birthdays I anticipated. When I turned 16 I nervously began figuring out how to drive. When I turned 21, I looked forward to the server asking me for ID when I ordered a drink. (I didn't even like the taste of what I got, but it was supposed to be a thrill, you know?)

Even 30 didn't shake up my world too badly. Steve even threw me a surprise party. He concocted an event, complete with a faked invitation to tour a historical mansion with the Cincinnati Preservation Association. We got all dressed up but instead ended up at our church, where friends and family awaited me, all wearing fancy attire. He'd created an entire formal affair around a new dress I adored. A party themed around my outfit? What a husband! (Yet I'd still like to go tour that mansion someday.)

That said, I haven't freaked out (yet) that I'm turning 40 soon. Steve is the one who keeps bringing it up, asking how I feel. Well, I feel pretty youthful in spirit. Though some days, as I'm having new aches and pains I haven't felt before, perhaps this middle age nomenclature is feeling more apropos.

But I hear 40 is the new ___? People always have something to compare ages to. I found several funny ones online. But I like this one: 40 is the new 40. Yes, I'm good with that. I'll reclaim it, redefine it, make it my own. 

So bring it on, 40. I'm ready for you.

See also Wisdom Through the Ages, part 1 and part 2.

Photo by Ksenia Kudelkina on Unsplash